What could have been

Marshall has really bonded with some of the kids in his class. He talks about them at home and tells us that he misses them. I love to stealthily watch him through the windows after I drop him off and before I pick him up. I think every parent questions their choices at some point–whether they send their kids to daycare or keep them home. When I see how his face lights up when he plays with his friends, I know that he is where he needs to be. But there are times when my heart breaks a little knowing that he is missing out on bonding with his big brother. I hate that he doesn’t get that experience, and I hate that we don’t get to watch them grow together. It hit me especially hard this morning. A boy at school with the same name as Marshall’s brother was playing with a toy dinosaur when I was dropping Marshall off in his room. He charged us with it and roared. Marshall thought it was hysterical. A few minutes later I watched Marshall through the window as he picked up the dinosaur from the floor and proceeded to mimic his friend. He chased several of the kids around the room with the dinosaur, roaring all the way. I choked back the tears as I watched and thought about what could have been.

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