“Honey, wake up,” I whispered as I gently shook him in the bed. “I left a surprise for you in the bathroom.”
In hindsight, I see why it was so funny. But at the time, I could focus only on trying to contain my excitement and fear and beating heart long enough to get him out of bed to see what I had just seen.
Just a few months prior, I announced that I wanted to adopt a baby instead. I couldn’t go through the heartache of losing another child. I couldn’t risk again giving all my love to a little person only to have him taken away before we ever got to know him.
Time has a way of bringing clarity. With time, I saw that despite having to say goodbye so soon to our Lewy, I wouldn’t trade that pregnancy or those three hours with him for the world. He brought so much joy to our lives. He expanded our world and our hearts and showed us what true, deep, forever love really is.
So when I was recovered physically, we started trying for a second child. And just a few short months later, I was once again staring at two pink lines.
By the time Jon stopped chuckling and stumbled his way into the bathroom, I think he had figured out what I wanted to show him. I kept telling him to “just go look!” He grinned from ear to ear, and we embraced. For the second time, we had created a miracle.