I’m not sure you could find even one parent out there who hasn’t, at some point or another, questioned whether she or he was “enough.” I have had plenty of those moments in the past few years. Those thoughts are with me most often when Marshall seems discontented for whatever reason. I wonder if I’m really cutting it as a mom. I wonder if he’d be better off, happier, in another house with another family.
But then there are times like this morning when I know that the bond we have is unbeatable. I am not under any illusion that I’m going to somehow escape those future days when he is mad and thinks he hates me and would rather run away than stay. I am sure those days will come, and I hope when they do, I can remind myself that those feelings will be fleeting for him and he will know, underneath all the mess, that we are one.
After saying goodbye at preschool this morning, I watched him playing with a friend through the window. He caught me watching. He smiled, turned to his friend, pointed, and said, “That’s my mommy!” His friend then looked over and waved. It was as if he was bragging to his friend. And I thought to myself that this kid really does adore me. Just as I adore him. How lucky I am to be his mommy.